Days of unrequited love, the thrill of the kiss, and late nights talking for hours tends to fade away as time leaves its mark on a relationship.
As Gabriel Garcia Marquez once wrote about his married protagonists:
“Life would have been another matter for them both if they had learned in time that it was easier to avoid great matrimonial catastrophes then trivial everyday miseries.”
It’s when a couple starts to take for granted everyday things, like waking up together and spending each night with each other, that the connection can start to fade.
A routine can put a damper on any relationship and lead people to go in search of other things to experience thrill in another form.
Rather than looking for other things to satisfy you, choose your partner this Valentine’s day by learning to find your way back to each other.
You can start by following this advice shared by me, a professional love coach.
What leads couples to lose their connection?
To find your way back to love, you need to identify the things that are causing this lack of connection.
One factor which often causes disconnection is this lack of dedication and commitment a couple shows for each other.
It’s not news that everyone seems to be overwhelmingly busy and stressed these days. But if we use this excuse, it will result in a disconnect.
As a love coach, I recommend treating your relationship as your treat your career to make it more successful.
When we have problems at work, we strategize, we discuss issues, and we look for solutions, while monitoring progress through the months and years. At home, however, we tend to ignore the things that are causing us to drift apart from one another and choosing to believe that problems will solve themselves.
Besides the lack of commitment to carve out quality time for one another, there are other, not so obvious signs that could indicate a lack of connection.
The constant need to be distracted by the media can cause a rift.
It can be tricky to identify this problem because so much of our lives is carried out on our phones and television has had a huge comeback these last few years — tempting everyone to binge watch series.
The problem starts when you would rather look at your phone than talk during dinner and browsing through social media when you are out doing something as a couple. While some calls can get an exception, especially if it’s an emergency, other media distractions can wait when you are spending time together.
A bad energy can pull you part (even your kids or pets notice it).
Kids and pets function on a subconscious level — they react to the energy they are exposed to and they adopt learned behaviors quite easily.
If your kids or your pets become disconnected from you, they start acting irritably or they are extra clingy, then they are showing you that they are being exposed to disconnected energy. It means they aren’t witnessing enough love and affection in their environment and this needs to be changed by you.
How do you find your way back as a couple?
Once you identify why the disconnect is forming, it will be easier to find your way back.
Spend quality time together. Ideally once a week, carve out time for one another with no media distractions. There are so many things you can do together as a couple, from a simple walk in nature to trying rock climbing for the first time together.
Seek help. Sometimes, quality time can lead to more arguing. When this is the case, seeking help by working with a love coach or through couples counseling to talk about your issues can make your relationship stronger.
Write letters to each other. Handwritten letters — not texts or emails — can help you to ease the arguing, especially if you aren’t comfortable seeking professional help yet. The act of writing allows you to process your thoughts, so that if you are feeling angry you will have time to calm down and think, rather than reacting on the spot and saying something that is hurtful or something you would come to regret.
What do you do when you are the only one willing to reconnect?
You cannot always be on the same line of thought as your partner and you may find yourself wanting to reconnect, while your partner isn’t at this stage yet.
Rather than pushing your partner, turn the attention on yourself and focus on self-improvement.
Participate in hobbies within reason, become healthier physically, mentally and emotionally and seek out positive changes, so you can become a glimmer of hope for your partner as well.
Remember, that no matter how much you love someone, your happiness should never solely depend on your partner.
But if your love is important to you, fight for it.
See how a professional can help
How you considered getting professional help to see how you can restore, strengthen, and keep the love going and growing between you and your partner? Not sure how couple’s counseling can help? Grab our free guide to find out.